Villainous Odd Mime
by Seelensanger
Summary: Beast Boy gets himself drunk, forever. To get the green changeling out of that devastatious state, the Titans head out to find the villain that sold the happyliquid to him in the first place. ... ever saw a drunk Titan?
1. Chapter 1

First Fanfic, Teen Titans, new villain, simple plot...

Ugh... I just decided to get Beast Boy wasted and see where it leads

* * *

Chapter 1 [ Titans Tower

"Sere'shh noo … whazzaw-BURRRP-rd? … Pro-hibishawn!" Beast Boy moaned, leaning over the huge couch, his face turned to Starfire – or more likely the air around her.

"Yes, Beast Boy, I believe there is!", one couldn't help but recognize the mildly annoyed tone in her voice indicating that her conversation with Beast Boy had lasted a while already.

"Jushd yoooo shaddapp and…", he slowly raised his right hand above his head and shook the beer can in it around, "… gemmeeh anothaw beeawr!"

Beast Boy was drunk – on alcohol.

And Starfire lacked experience in dealing with drunk babies that could transform into dinosaurs.

"I will NOT get you anymore of the 'beeawr'!", she shouted after a small pause, trying to stare 'Beer Boy" directly into the eyes.

"Instead, you should stop the drinking immediately, before Robin and the others return from their visiting Cyborgs parents."

Beast Boy shook his head and slacky as jello sunk into the couch, where he remained motionless. His babysitter carefully walked up to the couch and just as the drunk boy's head appeared in her sight, the beer can in his right hand did as well, dangerously close right before her nose.

"Shtaaaaaaaaaarfiweeeh.", Beast Boy babbled.

"Nnnnnnnnnnngrh…!" Starfire replied, her fists clenched and her body shivering with anger.

"Anathoo beeeeeeawrrrrh, puuwleaaaash?"

A ray of green light emitted from the furious girl's eyes, vaporizing the beer can in an instant and milling two holes into the tv-screen.

"GRAH! That – is – IT! I FORBID YOU TO DRINK ANY MORE OF THE BEER!"

Starfire lost her mind.

Beast Boy was still drunk – and too brain-displaced to realize that his babysitter was about to make a Tamaranian roasted Glurphnarhk out of him.

"Nishe holesh… an' whaddabowt mah beeeeeawrh?", Beast Boy asked in the most polite way he was still able to achieve. Unnecessary to say he sounded like your typical come-to-life centrifuge on a sinus-curved racetrack.

"Hey Star, we're – WHOA!", said Robin, now missing two hairs, "Careful with those beams!"

"Yeah, girl, what's the matter?", Cyborg intoned from behind the counter of the kitchen, "And what's with the smoke-screen?!". He referred to the holes Starfire blasted into the TV-screen that had started to fume.

Raven noticed the hole in her cape but kept a blank face and said, "This is why I keep my emotions at bay."

"HAEEEEH, doooooodes!"

"What the?", Robin.

"What the?", Cyborg.

"…", Raven put a small pile of books on the counter and started making herself some tea.

"Eeeep!", Starfire's glowing eyes went out, "I am sorry, friends, I didn't mean to scare you."

With a pitiful look, she pointed her face to Beast Boys direction and explained the issue at hand. When she ended, Robin and Cyborg had a lot of trouble, keeping their eyes inside their skulls.

Cyborg, who ended up using magnets, spoke first.

"So, we got ourselves a drunk BB, some joker out there who sells alcohol to the underaged, calling himself Oddmime, a singed TV-Screen, AND I'LL HAVE TO CLEAN THE DAMNED COUCH!?!?!"

"I'm sure Beast Boy will clean that up himself once he is sober again.", said Robin in his usual stoic calm tone.

"That is the problem, Robin. Beast Boy only drank that one single can of beer almost 6 hours ago.", Starfire explained, "But instead of dissipating the alcohol, he appears to have become worse by the hour."

"What?", Robin.

"What?", Raven.

"Awesome, self-replicating alcohol!", Cyborg.

"Wwuwhadd?", Beast Boy.

Robin, Raven and Starfire gave Cyborg the evil eye for praising a villain's work.

"Err, I mean… what?", Cyborg again, quickly restating his opinion.

"So, Starfire, any clues how to get to that … Oddmime?", Raven asked during a pause from sipping her tea.

"Eh… I seem to have destroyed the can."

"We'll just have to do this the old-fashioned way.", Robin was about to give one of his famous, episode-starting commands.

"Bllllehhharghl… beeeeeaawwwrh g-g-gaaaawn!", Beast Boy sobbed, heartbreakingly.

"God-dammit, Beast Boy, don't interrupt me…", Robin walked up to the couch and turned around to face his team of three remaining sober Titans, "… seek and destroy! Split up, maintain contact.

Titans, GO!"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 [Titans Tower

As of suddenly, the convention of potential beer-bringing people had disappeared.

Now where the hell should he get himself more beer from? And how the jingle bells was he supposed to move under these conditions? The small, funny enough tunnel-like, world around seemed to have turned into an over-sensitive whirligig. Every little move he made caused the whirligig to start spinning ferociously.

He was absolutely annoyed by that stupid whirligig that obviously picked on him in a most annoying manner.

"Sssshtop whearwling, .. you shtoopidd… w-wherlinnn' thweing!", Beast Boy tried to say, aiming at getting the whirligig to leave.

It of course neither answered nor obeyed.

"Ah shaid GETH DAW FWEGGH OUTE!"

Something that looked like a remote control flew a few feet through the air, paid the nearest vending machine a fifteen dollar visit for a helmet, and continued crashing through the big window next to the TV-Screen with a nice comic sound: "CRASH!"

Next thing to happen was a series of technological processes, computer sensors switching a lot of zeros to ones and a lot of ones to zeros, microscopic chemicals inter-reacting with one another, computer scripts wildly running through all their if-and-else-case-commandos, and all that jazz that is best described as "way funky", "highly technological smart-assin'", or:

"HOUWLY FAWRT! ZE AWLAAAAAAWWWRM! DEWWWWDES!"

Inside the main power frame of Titans Tower there was one tiny, almost not visible algorithm that stood out from all the others. It held a white cardboard sign above its head that, in a heavily pixelated font, read something like this:

SECURITY BREACH "1"

The whirligig gave way, thus avoiding to be stampeded by a dinosaur gone nut drunk in a living room stuffed with high-tech machinery and built approximately 89 metres above sea-level. The world returned to its original, squishy and colourful Picasso-ish look.

And a three ton tail of a green tyrannosaurus rex, whose head had already smashed through the ceiling, like a blazing wind went through the kitchen instalment, adding to it's altitude by about two metres.

It took about five seconds for the boy turned dinosaur to realize that he was hungry. His head turned to that of a duck, his body still lagging behind, the three-fourth-dinosaur-one-forth-duck, after bringing down half the ceiling when pulling out the long tyrannosaurus' neck, tried to fit itself through the doorway that led out of the living room.

Needless to say, it didn't work for another thirty seconds, during which the wall gained a nice lot of not-so-stylish fissures and cracks. Until eventually, a small green duck zig-zag-zoomed through the grey corridors that flashed with amazingly colourful disco-lights, on it's quest to find something vegetarian to eat.


End file.
